“Everything that has a beginning has an end.” — The Oracle, The Matrix Revolutions
“Do not pray for an easy life; pray for the strength to endure a difficult one.”
— Bruce Lee
Prologue: A Chair With a View
This week, our apartment complex will say a beloved “Farewell” to a resident who has become the heartbeat of our community. Nina, pronounced NINE-ah, joined the community 5 years ago. Having been diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer, she found solace meeting and connecting with people while sitting in the parking lot, only some of the time with a cigarette in hand. More often than not, though, you’ll see her talking to everyone coming in and out of the parking lot. Coming home from work by car? You’ll pass by Nina. Walking back from the bus stop after grocery shopping? You’ll see Nina, and she might even ask if you need a hand. On the way out for an evening walk? She’ll wave, call out to your dog by name, and wish you both a good evening. But Nina isn’t just friendly. She knows everyone, their stories, who they are as people, and how we’re all connected. In return, everyone here knows Nina, stops to say Hello, and checks in on her if we haven’t seen her lately.
The Nina Effect
I’ve only lived here for 2 1/2 years, and Nina’s name comes up regularly. In my world, Nina has a special effect on our family. Rai would have a horrible day and yet immediately smile and say “Hi” as he stepped out of the car. He and I once scoured the area to find a donut shop, surprisingly a challenge here in Seattle. Upon finding the best place in town, we only managed to get a few donuts remaining as they typically sell out by 9am. Rai had wanted one donut in particular but got a few others for sustenance. :-). When we pulled into the parking lot, he asked if he could walk over and give one to Nina. “Of course!” I beamed. As he joined me on the way back, he laughed and said, “Nina picked the one I wanted.” I gave him the apologetic look a mom gives her son when he realizes a rough “lessons learned,” but he caught me by surprise. “No, I’d rather her have it,” he smiled. He has a soft spot for her, but he’s not the only one. Curie, our Frenchie, can be wary of people when they’re far away, but she’ll spot Nina as soon as she starts coming out of the building and pulls toward her motorized wheelchair with wide eyes to get her pets. Nina was the first person Ada met as a puppy when I brought her home, and Ada immediately melted into her lap. Our dog trainer even met Nina when the dogs were riled up outside. Our trainer witnessed both dogs pulling toward Nina but immediately calming down and explained the calming effect to a woman who doesn’t always see the impact she has on others. As I head out to pottery, box of glazed pieces in hand, Nina checks in on how the classes are going, and as I come back will swing by to see what I made. As a result, she has some random – often heavy – pieces of mine. Nevertheless, I figured out green is her favorite color and made it my mission to find a decent green glaze I liked, so I could make her a cup and a small bowl. My favorite parking lot story she’s told was someone being caught for stealing a car and parking it in our carport. Having just come home from a week of work travel, I got a good laugh out of her saying, “Well, that was stupid. If he had only parked in my spot, he would have bought himself a few days.”
A Mystery In the Making
In our community book club that evolved into a writing club, we brainstorm our aspirational projects and help one another work our way up both in skill and courage. My future project is a Whodunnit set in an apartment complex with a parking lot oracle as a character central to solve the crime. Why? Because Nina would definitely know the victim in a way most residents wouldn’t. Nina would know the murderer as a real person, and possibly their relationship with the victim prior to the motive. Nina would know what was off and could help put pieces together, not because she’s a detective but because she’s a wealth of knowledge – seeing the ecosystem of this community. And it doesn’t hurt that she’s a passionate reader who was fascinated by her role in my future project and agreed to sit down with me one evening over dinner to capture her real back story. Where did this fascination with people come from? Has she always been this social?
Nina’s Origin Story: The Clan of the Cave Bear
So how did a woman who has only lived here a few years make such a big impact? Let’s back up. Nina was born in Bristol Bay, Alaska where her tribe resided but moved to Ketchikan, Alaska – home to different tribes with entirely different languages. A child separated from her family, all in different foster homes, Nina adapted to life with her foster family and became a strong student, particularly as an early reader. She started reading early and quickly became engulfed in Nancy Drew books. You should know that Nina doesn’t read a book. She devours books a series at a time and has throughout her life. Among her favorite, though, is Clan of the Cave Bear by Jean M. Auel. The book was published in the 1980s but is set in prehistoric times. Ayla, a Cro-Magnon young child is orphaned as the only survivor of an earthquake but is taken in by a family of Neanderthals. Ayla’s transition to acclimating to an entirely different culture, people who look different, and speak a different language becomes a theme I began to see in Nina’s story herself. Nina’s own experience being seen as different in a city with completely different tribes and races led to feeling outcast, ostracized, and bullied relentlessly, and yet, feeling different never became a detractor for her.
“Being Human is Human”
In fact, Nina grew up in the “hippie era.” She spent years of traveling to different parts of the US and working odd jobs and ultimately saved up to make the pilgrimage across the Hippie Trail from Europe to Istanbul to Afghanistan to India and ultimately Kathmandu, Nepal (and back). Nina’s account of this Road to Kathmandu is filled with a fascination of different people, cultures, and languages. “How many languages are there? How many dialects are there? And yet with so many languages, we still know what a smile is. Being human is human.” Now, do you see why I consider her an oracle? Despite several challenges, such as finding a doctor to treat her companion’s Malaria in Kandahar, Nina recounts this trip as inspiring. She visited the cremation grounds along the Yamuna River in Delhi that remains an active creation site today. She witnessed the Royal Kumari, or Living Goddess, carried throughout the streets in Kathmandu. And in these moments, Nina became the traveler who passionately sought understanding the human side of everyone she met, regardless of perceived differences.
From Horror to Ka: Understanding Your Inner Human
You should know that Nina’s interests in movies and books are just as varied as the people she meets. The woman who grew up devouring entire book series also devoured kung fu movies. So, it shouldn’t have surprised me when Nina said she loves Stephen King books. (Our book club just finished “Holly,” but I have to admit that was my first Stephen King novel since high school.). “Why Stephen King?” I asked. “I like to be scared, but I want to know why. What is your first memory of being afraid?” she asks me in return. In Nina fashion, she turned my question into a way to understand me. As I told her about my first memory of seeing my mother collapse in the kitchen while hearing the news of her father’s sudden death, Nina and I unpacked the fear through anxiety. “It shaped your ka.” she reflects. Ka, she explains, is part of her spirituality which is both a foundation at birth and evolves as a person evolves both in their decisions and life experiences. “That person may see a bear, and go ‘Well this is it. I’m dead.’ but the ka might say, ‘Are we really ready to die yet?”
The Traveling Oracle
As we concluded our dinner, I came back around to my original ask of basing a character on Nina as the Parking Lot Oracle. “What would you want your character’s origin story to be?” I asked. “A traveler.” Ah, of course. If Nina had to do it all over again, she would travel… more. It finally came back full circle. So how did a woman who has only lived here a few years make such a big impact? By traveling the world (literally) passionate to understand what it means to be human: through language, through stories, through understanding their ka. Nina’s real life evolved from traveling across countries to keeping that same traveler in spirit as people, cultures, and stories came to her as they made their way across a parking lot. What I find fascinating is to woman who made her way through cultures has now created one.
If you’re ever in the Seattle area, look for the woman in a motorized wheelchair selling beautiful soapstone carvings at a local farmer’s market. You’ll recognize her by her questions, stories, and smile. Be sure to bring Nina your questions. Just be prepared for one in return.
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